This was incredibly relatable. I've been feeling the exact same way this summer. I've let the garden go (I am grateful for the native plants that take care of themselves for the most part so there's at least a little beauty to be seen). As you stated our "increasingly-untidy house reflects my own messy feelings" ... Well said! As August progresses, and I get closer to the insanely busy season at work in October and November, I have been ever-so-slowly tackling things one at a time, trying to be patient and give myself grace as I try to ground myself in Spiritual practices again. I've found helpful to do practical things like close the YouTube tab so I'm not tempted to keep scrolling videos. Choosing stillness over noise (aka distraction) - even if just for a few moments. Most of all learning to let go of the all-or-nothing mentality I tend to have. None of this has to be perfect, there is grace in every moment. Our God is a God who orders the chaos...even the chaos we make on our own. I know I'll eventually get there with His help.
Great question. Distraction is my escape. I will bombard my senses with anything and everything to avoid confronting the struggle head on. Notes has been my recent crutch and I'm only coming around to...grappling with that? Balancing it in the scale of all things.
How I come back--one of the things I really appreciate about the Catholic tradition is the sacrament of reconciliation. I go in feeling heavy and burdened, and leave feeling light and lifted. It's a great spiritual reset, and I usually find myself with a little more spiritual resolve to undertake my devotions with a little more intentionality. From the act of contrition: "I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen"--I really try to leave the confessional with that firm resolve.
The other thing that really helps me with that is that I go in full of self-accusations, and I leave full of self-affirmations. When I haven't been to confession in a while, I convince myself I am the chief of sinners, earths lowest creature, the farthest person from the grace of God. I tell myself I get the confession God wants me to have, and throughout my life as a Catholic sometimes I have been admonished, sometimes I have been uplifted, sometimes I get advice. But sometimes, when my sins weight heaviest, I go and I get...nothing at all. Christ absolves me from my sins *as if they were NOTHING*. and that's always remarkable to me. One moment I'm the worst, the next moment Christ is nonchalantly giving me absolution because there's no sin greater than God. And that is a reassuring thought, especially when I am feeling low.
Thank you for occasioning these reflections. Never a bad time to remember the mercy of God. God bless you in this new year of life!
When I feel myself straying from the path of closeness to God -- truth be told -- I too often do the exact wrong thing. I tend to stay on the errant path, falsely believing it will somehow turn onto the right one. I'm really good at that sort of self-delusion, because prideful self-reliance easily becomes self-perpetuating. I tend to walk by sight, not by faith. I seek first the kingdom of me. Fortunately, and at last, through the loving reproof of those closest to me, or the not-so-gentle Holy Spirit elbow in my ribs, I see my error, stop, and reverse course. Again. Old saying: when you find yourself deep in a hole, the first step is to stop digging.
Happy Birthday (again) - we are actually birthday day twins and I’ve never found anyone in my 42 years that shares my birthday! I felt off this birthday and also noticed the shrivelled up seedlings in the green house that lost their potential when I got distracted by summer, kids, Substack. A little step each day is right - just a few small things that look like pottering but feel like service. ✨🙏
Been trying, sloowly, to reorder, declutter my little den, which has been a metaphor for my mind. I was trying to destress and found an prayer, meditative instrumental cd, I used to play . . .missed that.
Familiarity help me focus and remember why I do what I do. Recently, I had my (you know what) handed to me at work. It was a wake up call that my job was seriously in danger. The job I am lucky enough to do from home and continue to get raises, and other pretty sweet raises. The job that I desperately need as we are smack dab in the middle of selling one house to buy another. The wake up call was more than real, it was loud and it was terrifying.
I tried to hide what happened from my wife but days later it all spilled out at the dinner table. I tried to be strong when strength wasn’t the answer. It was God reminding me trying to do it all alone is not the way. He led me to where I am in life today for a reason. So, why am I not using and leaning upon the tools that He provided!?
No matter how many times I try to “be strong” and “do it on my own” I am constantly reminded in ways I never thought possible, of the person literally beside me. Who knows, maybe I’ll figure it out and stop trying to be all strong when I’m older...
Your longing for God is so beautiful. The longing itself is holy. Savor that longing with prayerful attention-- an intense minute or an intense hour-- it doesn't matter how long each day. God will do the rest. I like to walk contemplatively in nature. That's a prayerful time for me. My life is my monastery. It's often fun and playful. "The glory of God is the human fully alive!"
Your writing, gardening, tending to your family-- it's all a means of prayer if you desire God's love to infuse your work.
"Each day every one of us has the potential within ourselves, along with the means, to become fully the person we are called to be. That potential and the means is nothing less than the presence of Jesus Christ in our hearts. Contemplative prayer is simply being open to that."
God bless you, as you start a brand new year of life!
This was incredibly relatable. I've been feeling the exact same way this summer. I've let the garden go (I am grateful for the native plants that take care of themselves for the most part so there's at least a little beauty to be seen). As you stated our "increasingly-untidy house reflects my own messy feelings" ... Well said! As August progresses, and I get closer to the insanely busy season at work in October and November, I have been ever-so-slowly tackling things one at a time, trying to be patient and give myself grace as I try to ground myself in Spiritual practices again. I've found helpful to do practical things like close the YouTube tab so I'm not tempted to keep scrolling videos. Choosing stillness over noise (aka distraction) - even if just for a few moments. Most of all learning to let go of the all-or-nothing mentality I tend to have. None of this has to be perfect, there is grace in every moment. Our God is a God who orders the chaos...even the chaos we make on our own. I know I'll eventually get there with His help.
Great question. Distraction is my escape. I will bombard my senses with anything and everything to avoid confronting the struggle head on. Notes has been my recent crutch and I'm only coming around to...grappling with that? Balancing it in the scale of all things.
How I come back--one of the things I really appreciate about the Catholic tradition is the sacrament of reconciliation. I go in feeling heavy and burdened, and leave feeling light and lifted. It's a great spiritual reset, and I usually find myself with a little more spiritual resolve to undertake my devotions with a little more intentionality. From the act of contrition: "I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen"--I really try to leave the confessional with that firm resolve.
The other thing that really helps me with that is that I go in full of self-accusations, and I leave full of self-affirmations. When I haven't been to confession in a while, I convince myself I am the chief of sinners, earths lowest creature, the farthest person from the grace of God. I tell myself I get the confession God wants me to have, and throughout my life as a Catholic sometimes I have been admonished, sometimes I have been uplifted, sometimes I get advice. But sometimes, when my sins weight heaviest, I go and I get...nothing at all. Christ absolves me from my sins *as if they were NOTHING*. and that's always remarkable to me. One moment I'm the worst, the next moment Christ is nonchalantly giving me absolution because there's no sin greater than God. And that is a reassuring thought, especially when I am feeling low.
Thank you for occasioning these reflections. Never a bad time to remember the mercy of God. God bless you in this new year of life!
When I feel myself straying from the path of closeness to God -- truth be told -- I too often do the exact wrong thing. I tend to stay on the errant path, falsely believing it will somehow turn onto the right one. I'm really good at that sort of self-delusion, because prideful self-reliance easily becomes self-perpetuating. I tend to walk by sight, not by faith. I seek first the kingdom of me. Fortunately, and at last, through the loving reproof of those closest to me, or the not-so-gentle Holy Spirit elbow in my ribs, I see my error, stop, and reverse course. Again. Old saying: when you find yourself deep in a hole, the first step is to stop digging.
Happy Birthday (again) - we are actually birthday day twins and I’ve never found anyone in my 42 years that shares my birthday! I felt off this birthday and also noticed the shrivelled up seedlings in the green house that lost their potential when I got distracted by summer, kids, Substack. A little step each day is right - just a few small things that look like pottering but feel like service. ✨🙏
'yesterday, I began to water the garden again,'
Been trying, sloowly, to reorder, declutter my little den, which has been a metaphor for my mind. I was trying to destress and found an prayer, meditative instrumental cd, I used to play . . .missed that.
Solid post S.E.
Familiarity help me focus and remember why I do what I do. Recently, I had my (you know what) handed to me at work. It was a wake up call that my job was seriously in danger. The job I am lucky enough to do from home and continue to get raises, and other pretty sweet raises. The job that I desperately need as we are smack dab in the middle of selling one house to buy another. The wake up call was more than real, it was loud and it was terrifying.
I tried to hide what happened from my wife but days later it all spilled out at the dinner table. I tried to be strong when strength wasn’t the answer. It was God reminding me trying to do it all alone is not the way. He led me to where I am in life today for a reason. So, why am I not using and leaning upon the tools that He provided!?
No matter how many times I try to “be strong” and “do it on my own” I am constantly reminded in ways I never thought possible, of the person literally beside me. Who knows, maybe I’ll figure it out and stop trying to be all strong when I’m older...
Your longing for God is so beautiful. The longing itself is holy. Savor that longing with prayerful attention-- an intense minute or an intense hour-- it doesn't matter how long each day. God will do the rest. I like to walk contemplatively in nature. That's a prayerful time for me. My life is my monastery. It's often fun and playful. "The glory of God is the human fully alive!"
Your writing, gardening, tending to your family-- it's all a means of prayer if you desire God's love to infuse your work.
"Each day every one of us has the potential within ourselves, along with the means, to become fully the person we are called to be. That potential and the means is nothing less than the presence of Jesus Christ in our hearts. Contemplative prayer is simply being open to that."
God bless you, as you start a brand new year of life!