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Scoot's avatar

In addition to my reply to Robert, I would add that when other people prune us it can feel like loss; when we prune other people it can feel like efficiency.

On my linkedin, I keep only 100 connections, because I am weird about that kind of thing. Whenever I get a new current connection, I look through the old ones for anyone I haven't spoken to or interacted with. The oldest dormant connection gets the cut. I don't even know if they notice, since this includes friends from highschool or colleagues from past employers or recruiters I no longer need.

On the flip-side, I have had a "falling out" with a very close friend and had to tell them that it's over and I will not spend any more time with them. That was very hard to do, but very necessary for me for growth.

The strength of the relationship is like the strength of the branch being pruned. If you try to saw through the trunk of a tree--the thickest part of a tree--it is not going to be an easy process and it is going to cause a lot of pain and take a lot of effort. While pruning a dead head off a flower can be effortless--just a snip, like "unfriending" my long-dormant linkedin connections.

In all cases pruning can be conducive to growth. All things in moderation though--over-pruning can kill a plant. It's also important to remember--as far as relationships go--that people are people and their feelings should not be taken lightly.

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S.E. Reid's avatar

Very good points! I especially like the warning about over-pruning, and how you've tied all of this into relationships. It's funny, when I asked the question I didn't think about it in this depth, so I appreciate your response!

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Jul 6, 2022
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S.E. Reid's avatar

Interesting to think about, "to experience loss while being intentional at the same time." I think you've hit on something very profound, there, that pruning can end up with losses we didn't intend, but that end up serving us all the same. Thanks for sharing!

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Scoot's avatar

I was about to comment the same thing. Loss is something taken away from us, "pruning" is where we (or someone else) decides to create separation.

My mind went first to interpersonal relations, but it's a good observation that it applies to things and ideas--habits even. Self improvement is the process of pruning our lives, to help them grow. "Marie Kondo" is about pruning things.

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