Welcome to The Wildroot Parables weekly discussions! This is where we can come together as a community and have real talk with one another: open, honest, gracious, and curious.
This is YOUR space to discuss with each other, not just engage with me! Because of this, SAFE SHARING is my highest priority. If you are not engaging safely and with grace with others, you will have to leave. Period.
On Monday, our devotional was all about “turning over a new leaf”, and the things we carry with us as we grow.
Today, let’s discuss moments of leaf-turning. Share with us one moment or season of transformation in your life—big or small—and how the lessons you had learned up until that time shaped your transformation.
In 2020, my wife and I were fortunate enough to purchase my childhood home that my mother had previously leased. It needed a massive overhaul of work as the home was built in 1913 and is full of "charm." But without the extra money to pay laborers we did almost all of the work ourselves. With extremely limited experience we tore out old carpet, laid new flooring, changed light fixtures, replaced door locks and spent loads of time taking care of countless smaller "fixes" along the way. We even built our own picket fence for the front yard, which I'm pretty proud of.
Form sharing my experience with actual contractors I've learned that most work like this is indeed more of an art than a science. Doing this type of work ourselves has given my wife and I a load of confidence when it comes to house projects that arise and I would say has simply made us more confident and capable people overall.
And the work really just reinforced to me that we won't accomplish anything if we're not willing to take the risk of failure.
I've experienced something like this, but on a much smaller scale than a home renovation--I built a chicken coop. Now, it's a big chicken coop, but it certainly isn't a house! ...unless you are a chicken, I suppose. Anyway, my point is, I love what you said about how much confidence you gained from doing something you had no experience with. I used tools I've never dared touch before. I learned how to read blueprints and building plans. I went to the hardware store and figured out exactly what I needed. I improvised when things didn't go according to plan. And it's not perfect, but yes, I'm proud of that chicken coop! Indeed, we won't accomplish anything if we never start because we're afraid to fail.
That's awesome and a worthy project! And I don't know about you but just getting started was the hardest part for me. That first leap of confidence just to go for it. Once I was in a groove we just did odds and ends projects as they came without much second thought. It's been a very interesting transformation.
I want a chicken coop of my own and I'm convinced we have enough spare pieces of wood lying around that I can build one of my own. It might be too ambitious of me honestly but I'm probably going to give it a go anyway! The chickens won't mind the imperfections, I'm sure of it.
Yes, getting started was definitely the hard part! Sitting there reading over the instructions thinking "I could never do this." But I did! It took me months, but I did it, just like you said, odds and ends here and there after the kids went to bed. It's just amazing how much we're capable of, and all that it takes is the gumption to start. You could definitely build a coop out of the scraps! A good coat of paint goes a long way to cover up imperfections, I know that from experience. And besides, sometimes the imperfections are the most charming parts of a project.
In such a season right now, I'll let you know whether I become a butterfly or a moth. Or, a misidentified chrysalis that is actually full of a thousand tiny praying mantises.
This February, I reduced my hours at work to part-time. I've worked full time for 25 years, & have been the breadwinner of a family for 20 of those. So it's a big deal. It was a decision born of burnout, accelerated by the recent pandemic (I work in healthcare) but led by prayer. On paper, by the numbers & with wage stagnation, it makes no sense. But I've felt the call for years (anyone else find they can ignore the "still small voice" and need the Holy Spirit to knock them upside the head with a 2x4 in order to make a change?). If this is my midlife crisis, in which I spend more time writing, gardening, & baking, then my husband & kids can sleep easy at night.
Um, yes, me, I do feel like it takes a 2x4 to the head for me to listen more often than not. Painful, but effective, right? That IS a big deal, some serious leaf-turning. I wish you all the best!
My most significant leaf-turning has been a slow and rather painful process. It involves speaking my mind to family members, when I've always held my tongue. Long story short, it didn't go well. And when in the aftermath, I didn't appreciate the way things were handled, I went and spoke my mind again. I spent a lot of time leading up to these difficult conversations feeling frustrated and unheard, and would spend the entire time driving home from family events (often upwards of five hours--yikes) talking through it with my husband. I felt like a doormat, or a wallflower. I didn't want to do that anymore. As far as lessons learned up until this time that shaped how this leaf-turning came about go, I learned that time is short and precious and I'd rather spend it trying to heal wounds than letting them fester, even if it's easier to fester. I learned that real, deep, meaningful relationships are important to me and when there is a surface relationship where there ought to be a significant one, I tend to get hurt because I invest more than I'm invested in. I learned that taking a risk is better than sulking in silence. And so, I spoke up. And the reaction hasn't been what I hoped. I'm hoping that this is like a wildfire, and the scorched earth will prove to be wildly fertile and new and better relationships will spring up because of it. It looks pretty black and burned now, though, so we'll see. Whatever comes of it, I'm learning to stand up for myself, to not automatically doubt myself when conflict arises, and to have more grace in my own heart even if grace isn't extended to me. And, along those same lines, to allow the grace that I want/need from my siblings to instead come from the source that allows for leaf-turning to happen in the first place, my loving Savior.
Hannah, I understand how hard it is to speak up about wounds that have been there for years and to get less than an optimal response. Let me ask if some of the responses were denial that the things you experienced weren't true?
I ask because I am currently going through a crisis from the other side. Last week my daughter revealed that she has been angry with me for a long time because of things that happened in the past. It blindsided me. I have spent the last week praying and ruminating and talking to my counselor and praying some more.
You know how we are to be detached from all things but God? To love Him more than mother or father, sister or brother or child? Just the week previous I had asked God to detach me from what remained. I suspected it was this daughter. God immediately answered this prayer.
It feels like my self image of myself as a mother is being pulled out by the roots. No! I couldn't have hurt her so badly! Please pray for me as I am surgically detached from my daughter.
Oh Ann, I'm so sorry you are going through that with your daughter! My children are all still small so we haven't had anything come between us yet, and I pray it never will, but who knows what the future holds? I know for myself that this conflict arose, at least in part, from years and years of surface-level, minimal communication. At least about things that matter. We got together several times a year, and there was always conversation, but always about things that didn't matter so much. There were very few questions asked, very little curiosity shown about my life and my thoughts. I tried to show them by example what it was I needed, but I think I needed to be more clear. I needed to be a bit squeakier of a wheel. Since I let so much time go by without speaking up, thinking I was doing the kind thing by sparing feelings and avoiding discomfort, the gap between our understandings became a bit of a vast chasm. It's something so difficult to bridge, something that takes everyone involved acknowledging the chasm, even if they didn't see it being formed, and working together to find a way to bridge it. The trouble I am running into is family members' resentment of my pointing out the chasm, and an unwillingness to accept how things look on my side of the gap. I have worked so hard for months to work through and clear out my own resentments, to see it all as an opportunity for growth. It's something we need to practice --conflict in a way that breeds closeness and growth in a relationship, that allows each of us to be seen and heard and understood. It's a life-long skill and one we have practiced little, so it makes sense that we aren't any good at it. But I think that many of my generation find it much easier to shut the door on such conflicts. Facing them is painful and stressful, it forces you to admit and accept your own weaknesses, to be vulnerable at simultaneously stand up for yourself. But I think that once you have practiced and worked those interpersonal muscles, it gets easier. I think a foundation of communication and grace gets established and is hard to shake. But it takes so, so much work, and it has to be a team effort. I just can't seem to get any of them on my team. So what do I do now? That's what I'm trying to figure out, and I am struggling 😂 one thought I had this morning was that in order to show more love and patience to others, and in order to have a thicker skin and greater endurance when I feel like I'm receiving less than I need from a relationship, I need to focus on a different relationship --the one I have with my very own self. I need to learn more love and patience and appreciation for myself. I need to learn to have grace and gratitude for myself. I need to look in the mirror and see a best friend, not a disappointment. If I can learn unconditional love for myself, I suspect I will have more of it to share with others. I'm sorry to be so long-winded! I will indeed pray for you, and for your daughter, and I have faith in the future. Right now is not forever. Miracles are real and many, and God wants you to ve happy even more than you want it. He sent us to earth in families for a reason, and I believe He can help us build those bridges no matter how wide the chasm. All is not lost 💚
Thanks, and I pray for you and your family, too. When you look in the mirror remember God loves you unconditionally. He will supply grace and peace if you ask.
In 2020, my wife and I were fortunate enough to purchase my childhood home that my mother had previously leased. It needed a massive overhaul of work as the home was built in 1913 and is full of "charm." But without the extra money to pay laborers we did almost all of the work ourselves. With extremely limited experience we tore out old carpet, laid new flooring, changed light fixtures, replaced door locks and spent loads of time taking care of countless smaller "fixes" along the way. We even built our own picket fence for the front yard, which I'm pretty proud of.
Form sharing my experience with actual contractors I've learned that most work like this is indeed more of an art than a science. Doing this type of work ourselves has given my wife and I a load of confidence when it comes to house projects that arise and I would say has simply made us more confident and capable people overall.
And the work really just reinforced to me that we won't accomplish anything if we're not willing to take the risk of failure.
I've experienced something like this, but on a much smaller scale than a home renovation--I built a chicken coop. Now, it's a big chicken coop, but it certainly isn't a house! ...unless you are a chicken, I suppose. Anyway, my point is, I love what you said about how much confidence you gained from doing something you had no experience with. I used tools I've never dared touch before. I learned how to read blueprints and building plans. I went to the hardware store and figured out exactly what I needed. I improvised when things didn't go according to plan. And it's not perfect, but yes, I'm proud of that chicken coop! Indeed, we won't accomplish anything if we never start because we're afraid to fail.
That's awesome and a worthy project! And I don't know about you but just getting started was the hardest part for me. That first leap of confidence just to go for it. Once I was in a groove we just did odds and ends projects as they came without much second thought. It's been a very interesting transformation.
I want a chicken coop of my own and I'm convinced we have enough spare pieces of wood lying around that I can build one of my own. It might be too ambitious of me honestly but I'm probably going to give it a go anyway! The chickens won't mind the imperfections, I'm sure of it.
Yes, getting started was definitely the hard part! Sitting there reading over the instructions thinking "I could never do this." But I did! It took me months, but I did it, just like you said, odds and ends here and there after the kids went to bed. It's just amazing how much we're capable of, and all that it takes is the gumption to start. You could definitely build a coop out of the scraps! A good coat of paint goes a long way to cover up imperfections, I know that from experience. And besides, sometimes the imperfections are the most charming parts of a project.
In such a season right now, I'll let you know whether I become a butterfly or a moth. Or, a misidentified chrysalis that is actually full of a thousand tiny praying mantises.
Ha! Yes. I feel this way too. I suppose there is some comfort in the fact that all of those creatures are pretty amazing!
Secretly hoping for the praying mantises
One of my all-time favorite insects.
This February, I reduced my hours at work to part-time. I've worked full time for 25 years, & have been the breadwinner of a family for 20 of those. So it's a big deal. It was a decision born of burnout, accelerated by the recent pandemic (I work in healthcare) but led by prayer. On paper, by the numbers & with wage stagnation, it makes no sense. But I've felt the call for years (anyone else find they can ignore the "still small voice" and need the Holy Spirit to knock them upside the head with a 2x4 in order to make a change?). If this is my midlife crisis, in which I spend more time writing, gardening, & baking, then my husband & kids can sleep easy at night.
Um, yes, me, I do feel like it takes a 2x4 to the head for me to listen more often than not. Painful, but effective, right? That IS a big deal, some serious leaf-turning. I wish you all the best!
I'm glad there are others! Thank you.
My most significant leaf-turning has been a slow and rather painful process. It involves speaking my mind to family members, when I've always held my tongue. Long story short, it didn't go well. And when in the aftermath, I didn't appreciate the way things were handled, I went and spoke my mind again. I spent a lot of time leading up to these difficult conversations feeling frustrated and unheard, and would spend the entire time driving home from family events (often upwards of five hours--yikes) talking through it with my husband. I felt like a doormat, or a wallflower. I didn't want to do that anymore. As far as lessons learned up until this time that shaped how this leaf-turning came about go, I learned that time is short and precious and I'd rather spend it trying to heal wounds than letting them fester, even if it's easier to fester. I learned that real, deep, meaningful relationships are important to me and when there is a surface relationship where there ought to be a significant one, I tend to get hurt because I invest more than I'm invested in. I learned that taking a risk is better than sulking in silence. And so, I spoke up. And the reaction hasn't been what I hoped. I'm hoping that this is like a wildfire, and the scorched earth will prove to be wildly fertile and new and better relationships will spring up because of it. It looks pretty black and burned now, though, so we'll see. Whatever comes of it, I'm learning to stand up for myself, to not automatically doubt myself when conflict arises, and to have more grace in my own heart even if grace isn't extended to me. And, along those same lines, to allow the grace that I want/need from my siblings to instead come from the source that allows for leaf-turning to happen in the first place, my loving Savior.
Hannah, I understand how hard it is to speak up about wounds that have been there for years and to get less than an optimal response. Let me ask if some of the responses were denial that the things you experienced weren't true?
I ask because I am currently going through a crisis from the other side. Last week my daughter revealed that she has been angry with me for a long time because of things that happened in the past. It blindsided me. I have spent the last week praying and ruminating and talking to my counselor and praying some more.
You know how we are to be detached from all things but God? To love Him more than mother or father, sister or brother or child? Just the week previous I had asked God to detach me from what remained. I suspected it was this daughter. God immediately answered this prayer.
It feels like my self image of myself as a mother is being pulled out by the roots. No! I couldn't have hurt her so badly! Please pray for me as I am surgically detached from my daughter.
Oh Ann, I'm so sorry you are going through that with your daughter! My children are all still small so we haven't had anything come between us yet, and I pray it never will, but who knows what the future holds? I know for myself that this conflict arose, at least in part, from years and years of surface-level, minimal communication. At least about things that matter. We got together several times a year, and there was always conversation, but always about things that didn't matter so much. There were very few questions asked, very little curiosity shown about my life and my thoughts. I tried to show them by example what it was I needed, but I think I needed to be more clear. I needed to be a bit squeakier of a wheel. Since I let so much time go by without speaking up, thinking I was doing the kind thing by sparing feelings and avoiding discomfort, the gap between our understandings became a bit of a vast chasm. It's something so difficult to bridge, something that takes everyone involved acknowledging the chasm, even if they didn't see it being formed, and working together to find a way to bridge it. The trouble I am running into is family members' resentment of my pointing out the chasm, and an unwillingness to accept how things look on my side of the gap. I have worked so hard for months to work through and clear out my own resentments, to see it all as an opportunity for growth. It's something we need to practice --conflict in a way that breeds closeness and growth in a relationship, that allows each of us to be seen and heard and understood. It's a life-long skill and one we have practiced little, so it makes sense that we aren't any good at it. But I think that many of my generation find it much easier to shut the door on such conflicts. Facing them is painful and stressful, it forces you to admit and accept your own weaknesses, to be vulnerable at simultaneously stand up for yourself. But I think that once you have practiced and worked those interpersonal muscles, it gets easier. I think a foundation of communication and grace gets established and is hard to shake. But it takes so, so much work, and it has to be a team effort. I just can't seem to get any of them on my team. So what do I do now? That's what I'm trying to figure out, and I am struggling 😂 one thought I had this morning was that in order to show more love and patience to others, and in order to have a thicker skin and greater endurance when I feel like I'm receiving less than I need from a relationship, I need to focus on a different relationship --the one I have with my very own self. I need to learn more love and patience and appreciation for myself. I need to learn to have grace and gratitude for myself. I need to look in the mirror and see a best friend, not a disappointment. If I can learn unconditional love for myself, I suspect I will have more of it to share with others. I'm sorry to be so long-winded! I will indeed pray for you, and for your daughter, and I have faith in the future. Right now is not forever. Miracles are real and many, and God wants you to ve happy even more than you want it. He sent us to earth in families for a reason, and I believe He can help us build those bridges no matter how wide the chasm. All is not lost 💚
Thanks, and I pray for you and your family, too. When you look in the mirror remember God loves you unconditionally. He will supply grace and peace if you ask.