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Very interesting! We don't "set the table" for friends and family who have died, but we do set the table for future guests. :) I'm actually writing about that this week. When we have our friend over for dinner, we always set a fourth place at the table for his future wife. At 34, he sometimes grows weary of waiting, frustrated that he hasn't met his life partner yet. It's something we pray for for him, and we show him our faith that she will one day be here by setting a place for her.

I love the idea of setting the table for a loved one who has passed. I don't know that my beliefs allow for a continuing relationship with the departed on this side of heaven, but I think there is something wonderful about remembering them in this special way.

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Formally, my family and I never did anything physical to honor the dead. That lack has always made me curious about Día de Los Muertos, with its food offerings and hospitality for dead loved ones.

But I've experienced enough death in my family to treat memory as the ongoing relationship with the loved ones who are no longer on this side of heaven. It's a respectful bond, never satisfying but somehow kind to the departed (certainly kinder than bottling up memories to avoid pain).

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Personally, I never feel loved ones are “gone”...if Scripture is true then heaven & earth overlap! While I’ve never “set the table for them”, I do have a practice of writing letters to those who have passed. It’s a cathartic exercise and a way to stay connected. They can’t respond tangibly, but there are moments when a butterfly passes by at just the right moment, or I find a “penny from heaven”, or even dream they are giving me advice - whether that’s them from a realm I can’t quite embrace yet, or the Holy Spirit’s kindness, I do not know. But I know we’ll one day be physically reunited and enjoy a feast at the table together in the New Earth.

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I have to say that, coming from a non-religious family, the visitation is really the only ceremony after someone has passed. I have seen the way my family cuts off the relationship with their dead, just as they had bc with God, and eventually as they did to each other. Because of this, the only experience I have (really) with death is those outside of my family that have passed -- and I started to shut down to that as well, just as I had seen my whole life. It is only recently, as I progress on my spiritual journey, that I get comfortable with this idea, and start to honor those I know who have passed. I don’t set them a seat at my table, but I do have a space for them in my studio, and I’ve begun to mention them in my daily prayers. I’m hoping there can be healing for me as well as other members of my family.

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The Catholic tradition is a bit weird in that we here on Earth are the departed and the dead are in fact more truly alive. We walk in their midst. I love this also being a Celt. We live in our ancestors and they live in us. Praying to the Saints is as natural as talking with loved ones. The table is where all the living gather - on Earth and beyond. I’ve not read a better story than Joyce’s The Dead that captures the innate sense of this.

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